Story time!

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Story time!

Post  Zaq on Sat Mar 15, 2014 12:44 pm

So when I got Xcom I made sure to name all the characters after you all so I could laugh when I murdered them through incompetent decision making.  I thought it was only fair that I keep a log of my deaths in Dark Souls 2 so you all could return the favor.
Day 1
0VerbWhoHow
1JumpedGravityI can totally get that treasure in the pit.
2PunchedRatman CyclopsRatman Cyclops doesn't share.
3SquishedRatman CyclopsRatman Cyclops is not a team player.
4ShankedZombiesI haven't seen any bad guys in a while...
5SpearedZombieThis is plenty of health for this guy
6ArrowedZombie420 noscoped.
7AxedZombie Paul BunyanThese axe dudes attack slow, I should practice parrying.
8ChopedZombieHalbreds are np np, I got this.
9CrushedBoulderNote to Self: It did not want you to catch it.
10KnifedZombieDoes this zombie not even get a weapon?
11Styled OnPursuerIs that griffin carrying a dude?! Did it just drop him at me?
12Ballista'dZombieI wonder if I can get those zombies to shoot at their friend (yes) and miss me (no).
13CrossbowedChestWhat does this misty looking stuff in this chest mean?
14DrownedArmor KnightLet me block this before he pushed me closer to the edge. (Block succeeded)
15HalbredDragonRiderOoo a boss! Well. That attack went further then expected
16ImpaledDragonRiderI better heal up after I dodge this.
17SlashedDragonRiderRoll when he slashes and I can stab him a bit.
18HalbredDragonRiderBlock break is bad news
19SlashedArmor KnightDon't forget the pattern, 3 attacks then it's murder time. Oh... 4 attacks then.
20StabbedArmor KnightThere was another one?!
21SpearedOld DragonslayerOh hey I remember you from the first game.
22AxedArmor KnightChop Chop.
23AmbushedZombieSurprise!
24FireballedFire LizardWhat's in this tunnel?
25MurderedZombiesFire Lizards roll deep.
26Tag-teamedRatman CyclopsMaybe if I just kite the two of them around.
27ChewedRatman CyclopsZangeif got hungry.
28SwordedPursuerIt's boss time. Oh it's griffin drop guy again.
29SlashedPursuerThis dude's sword is rather large, lets try avoiding it.
30ImpaledPursuerHe just stabbed me with that thing?!
31Death SpiritsPursuerIs he casting a spell now? What a sissy
32Shield BashedPursuerI honestly did not think he could do that.

Day 2

33ClobberedArmor KnightI don't think this is enough health to block this.
34KickedZombie PirateJust block both of his swords and we're fine.
35DrownedGravityI should just knock this Viking zombie dude off the pier.
36PoisonedViking JarThere's a treasure behind that jar? Got it got it.
37SwordedPirate VikingTwo swords > 1
38StabbedZombie VikingThis swing won't carry me off the roof will it? (yes).
39MurderedVikings12 hit hypercombo.
40DicedZombie PirateThe miracle catalyst is not a shield.
41SlashedVikingWiffed jump attack is no bueño.
42BittenZombie DogPirates have pets.
43Combo'dPiratesIt's all fun and games until you mess with their ship.
44ShankedZombie ArcherArchers are long-range, just need to get in close.
45BleedingScary Jail DudeHalp! I need an adult.
46SwordedPursuerStill Nope.
47Death SpiritsPursuerDip! Duck! Dive! Dodge! And Die!
48Jump SlashPursuerWell Ow.
49ZweihanderedGuardsWhat's on the other side of this door?
50HammeredTurtle KnightsThese slow guys are so easy to dodge.
51TrampledFire LizardMuch more versatile than preliminary reports.
52SpearedOld DragonslayerI'll just duck behind this pillar to heal.
53Body slammedC'thulu PrisonersI still don't understand why they hurt so much.
54HammeredRuins SentinelsBoss! Bosses! Oh I did not want to fall down here. Nope nope nope.
2 Day totals
Time Played: 13:37
Bosses defeated: 4
3.96Deaths/Hour

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Re: Story time!

Post  Pufftrees on Mon Mar 17, 2014 3:50 pm

Haha that's awesome, keep it goin!   I really should play these games... haven't tried yet -_-

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Re: Story time!

Post  Zaq on Mon Mar 17, 2014 10:44 pm

Day 3

55FellGravitySpelunking is safer when the beams don't break when you jump on them.
56FellGravityGuess I can't jump through that.
57ExplodedC'thulu PrisonersThe 'their chest is actually a fireball' thing might have been a hint.
58ZweihanderedGuardsI can just close the door, it'll be fine.
59BurntBelfry GargolyesNot one but four Jurmongar worms.
60PoisonedRat VanguardIt's like a whole herd of rats.
61PoisonedRat VanguardWhy are there so many?!
62PoisonedRat VanguardIt's like this boss fight is in Trenton.
63PoisonedRat VanguardThis time the poison resist gear will help.
64ExplodedC'thulu PrisonersThere's a fourth one!
65ExplodedC'thulu PrisonersExplosions are hard to avoid.
66FellGravityRolling and Jumping near edges have two very different results.
67FellGravitySeriously let grab that chest yo.
68DeacceleratedGroundCan't even jump in a video game.
69FlewGravityAt least I jumped that time.
70FellExecutioner's ChariotBottomless Pit Surprise
71FellScary Jail DudeCliffs are dangerous.
72SpikedSkeletal LordsWheel Skeletons are the worst.
73AxedBelfry GnomeAww these stubby little guys are protecting the belltower.
74SwordedLost SinnerDid a scorpion just go in his EYE?!
75PoisonedLittle Statue TrapNot a little benevolent nun statue then.
76StabbedLoincloth ZombieBasketball game in OT? This spot looks safe.
77FellFace Licker DogthingI wish these platforms had banisters.
78SuicidedNun StatuesI wish this game had a jump button and not a roll/jump button.
79ClawedFace Licker DogthingJust have to get around to the side of this thing away from the tongueface.
80ClawedFace Licker DogthingIt followed me here? Uh oh.
81FellLock-OnA sudden change in camera angle and cliffs.
82FellC'thulu PrisonerPunted off the bridge.
83DetonatedC'thulu PrisonerThe hitbox on that is laaame.
84ClawedFace Licker DogthingNot exactly setting the world on fire with the progression down here...
85DetonatedC'thulu PrisonerOh it's not dead then?
86BleedingScary Jail DudeThese guys aren't too difficult, but they are terrifying.
87FellGravityI need a review mirror to stop backtracking off cliffs.
88BlastedNecromancerBoss minions making more minions.
89KickedExecutioner's ChariotApparently giant skeletal horses don't care if you block or not.
90ScythedScary Jail DudeThey look like some kind of undead BDSM LARP clown. Stuff of nightmares.
91StompedExecutioner's ChariotSometimes you have to dodge into the attack, just to keep people guessing.
92StabbedSkeletonNecromancers are jerks.
93FellGravityJumping is always an adventure.
Day 4

94Skeleton'dNecromancerPreviously killed skeleton's revenge
95MonkeyRolledSkeletonSkeletal Barry Sanders over here.
96GankedTesticle MansThe door I expected to open with that switch, was not the one that opened.
97PoisonedTesticle MansThese dudes have one humongous ball sack, and it has physics.
98TrampledFire LizardsJust let me explore the cave!
99FellZombie Axeman0 Days since our last scaffolding accident.
100PouncedFire LizardMobile! Agile! Hostile!
101FireballedFire LizardI've only managed to kill them by shooting them with a bunch of arrows while hiding where they can't attack.
102FireballedFire LizardAmphibians are no joke. *Stole your treasure anyway!*
103Lightning BoltedBelfry GargolyesUnexpected addition to this boss fight.
104BittenZombie DogsI got this.
105BittenZombie Dogs“He's a friendly dog.”
106CrossbowedGuardsThat bonfire is not safe.
107Tail SwipedSewer BeastsDid I just aggro two of them? Awwwww dang.
108ImpaledLost SinnerWait for him to swing and then heal back up.
109DrownedGravityDidn't quite land on the safe bit.
110PoisonedGas CloudsOops.
111FellGas PitThis should be fine.
112Snake HugQueen MythaWorry about the poison they said. Jerks.
Day 5

113StabbedMannequinArgo Goblins bad.
114BittenMushroomBugIt's like a toadstool ant with more legs.
115DrownedGravityThere is a lot of tower to fall past here when things go poorly.
116PoisonedPoison LakeWhat do these statues do?!
117ArrowedArrow TrapI knew it was there too.
118SpearedQueen MythaShe is not nice.
119SpearedQueen MythaFighting a boss on poison ground that heals her is not going well.
120SpearedQueen MythaSolved the poison problem at least!
121BurntLavaThat treasure is right next to the bonfire, what's the worst that could happen?
122Bled OutArrow KnightDude has a lightning Katana. Pretty jealous.
123BurntInferno StatueJuuuuust a little too close to the décor apparently.
124ClobberedSmelter DemonWell that was unpleasant.
125FireSwordedSmelter DemonNot hitting this guy as hard as I would like.
126FellC'thulu PrisonerPunted off the bridge. This feels familiar.
127FellGravityRamshackle scaffolding has holes, sometimes those holes are aesthetic, sometimes they are traps.
128FellGravityCommando rolls to reduce fall damage are a useful technique. Mind the cliffs though.
129EatenHand MonsterThey're like grown up versions of the Zelda Hand monsters, without the warning and with many more tentacles.

5 Day Totals:
Play Time --31:32
Boss Kills-- 12 
4.1 Deaths/Hour
Notable Accomplishments:
Used a semi-rare special secrets key on a trap for invading papers.  Then stepped in trap to see what it did, breaking all my equipped items.  Rings are expensive to repair Sad.
Discovered some stone walls were destructible by accidentally blowing myself up.
Started (and ended) a boss fight by immediately walking into a clearly visible bottomless pit.
Got an NPC to given me an item because I died so many times.

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Re: Story time!

Post  Pufftrees on Tue Mar 18, 2014 12:26 pm

Zangeif got hungry.

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Re: Story time!

Post  Zaq on Wed Mar 19, 2014 9:55 pm

Day 6

130BurnedThe RottenIt's a pile of corpses with a big axe. It made all the little spitting nun statues. I hates it.
131Wrung OutThe RottenSo he has a grab. If he grabs he treats you like a wet towel.
132ChoppedThe RottenI may need to come back to this later.
133PunchedThe RottenProgress!
134Wrung OutThe RottenUn-Progress!
135PunchedThe RottenA different punch this time though.
136DarknessedThe RottenSo, after a while his big old axe gets tired of you and gets all projectilely.
137Lava'dGravityI was gonna get stabbed, but I missed the landing zone.
138ExplodedSmelter DemonI even brought in an NPC to help out and got wrecked.
139StabbedArrow KnightLightning Katana'd. WTB
140EatenMimicOutplayed Sad
141SlashedArmor Knights2 of 3 is not good enough. I don't think I'm gonna get all those souls back either.
142Lava'dGravityJust a bit off target there.

Day 7
143StabbedINVISIBLE DUDEThey are invisible.
144SlashedINVISIBLE DUDEThis feels a tiny bit unfair.
145SlashedINVISIBLE DUDEQQ
146PummeledElephant KnightHe let me know that I am not allowed to go back there.
147StompedRoyal Rat AuthorityIt's a very very big rat. It would be a big anything. It is quite large and territorial.
148ClawedRoyal Rat AuthorityIt also has about 6 minion crack addict rats. Like Tyrone Biggumses.
149ClawedRoyal Rat AuthorityBlocking successfully is certain death.
150PoisonedCrack Addict RatsThese homies super poison you for messing with boss-rat.
151PoisonedCrack Addict RatsI think my personal best against this boss is living for 25seconds. Maybe.
152ClawedRoyal Rat AuthorityRude.
153TrampledRoyal Rat AuthorityI'm qqing harder than I was with the stupid invisible ninjas.
154ClawedRoyal Rat AuthorityMarginal Success! I almost killed all of the backup singers.
155ClawedRoyal Rat AuthorityI lived long enough to heal and then die that time. That's like twice as many actions.
156PoisonedCrack Addict RatsMost games are over when you have a 10-0 shut-out. Dark Souls does not have a mercy rule.
157PoisonedCrack Addict RatsTheir poison is actually 'toxic'. Which is code for 'Like poison but much much worse.”
158ClawedRoyal Rat AuthorityWe're still firmly in the die in the first 20seconds of the bossfight.
159ClawedRoyal Rat AuthorityThe good news is the res point is right next to the boss. Probably about 10-15minutes of real time elapsed since the first victimization.
160PoisonedCrack Addict RatsThis is what would happen if Bill Romanowski played vs a pee-wee team for $100,000,000
161PoisonedCrack Addict RatsI think if I had to bet how many more times I'm going to die to this boss, it would be a lot. (Does it count as a oneshot if I killed the boss the first time I actually lived long enough to attack it? Also, I would've lost that bet.)
Total Play Time: 38:04
Deaths/Hour: 4.2
Boss Kills: 17

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Re: Story time!

Post  Zaq on Mon Mar 24, 2014 10:41 pm

Day 8

162StabbedKnight CaptainI was doing so good! Multiple hours since last death. Did not go out like a champion either.
163MurderedSmelter Demon0Minutes since our last accident.
164CrotchedSmelter DemonBoth times he's wedged me against a wall and murdered me with boss-crotch camera action.
Day 9

165ImpaledSmelter DemonOuch!
Day 10

166CrossbowedCastle GuardRight in his beak, Cotton.
167DrownedDark PhantomWell I suppose that serves me right for wondering what is down in the 'Dark Abyss.'
Day 11

168Tag-teamedDragonRidersNow there are two of them!
169Tag-teamedDragonRidersThe one with the really big stick does not tolerate killing the one with the bow first.
170SwordedRoyal KnightsProbably shouldn't've tried to backstab that one.
171Quick DrawedKnight CaptainNo fair!
172StabbedKnight CaptainFour of em just picking on me.
173SpearedStone GuardsThree of em are linked, they are also quick.
174Lava'dLavaIf the chest can stand on the lava so can I.
175Lava'dLavaRolling off edges instead of jumping is never a good move.
176Lava'dLavaThese obstacle courses on lava for shinies never seems like as good an idea after the fact.
177Lava'dLavaPlatforming without a dedicated jump button is not so good.
178Lava'dLavaThis won't be worth it in the end either.
179Lava'dLavaNo Comment.
180Lava'dLavaCommando rolls after a jump to roll off the edge of the platform are getting old here me.
181Lava'dLavaIt's like my dude is on strike and refuses to jump in a straight line.
182Lava'dLavaGo home me, you're drunk!
183Lava'dLavaI made it. It was not worth it. It was definitely not worth going back the hard way either.
184Lava'dLavaIt's different lava now though.
185Bled OutKnight CaptainCombo Breaker.
186Lava'dTurtle KnightHe didn't care that I was blocking, I was not allowed to be on that platform.
187ThunderCats'dLooking Glass KnightThunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS HOOOOO. And then there was lightning.
188Lightning BoltedLooking Glass KnightSo I was wondering what his badass shield was going to do. Turns out the answer was kill me.
189SlashedLooking Glass KnightHe's pretty quick with that thing when he wants to be.
190Lightning BalledLooking Glass KnightThis was like that 4% vashj wipe. So close.
191Kung-Fu'dHorse StatueLaaame.
192SquashedLooking Glass KnightHe jumps. Aggressively.
193FlattenedLooking Glass KnightI found a homie to help out. It did not go as planed.
194Magic'dDruidsMoonfiremoonfiremoonfiremoonfiremoonfiremoonfiremoonifre. If moonfire was a homing missle.
195PunchedRatman CyclopsTurns out I lived through an attack I thought killed me. This was not a repeating phenomena.
Day 12

196StabbedGhost MageSometimes you have to drop down into the obvious trap. That doesn't make it a good idea.
197Kool-Aid Man'dRatman CyclopsOH YEAH!
198BurninatedGuardian DrakeTrogdor!
199FriedGuardian DrakeSo much fire.
200FellC'thulu PrisonerPunted off the bridge. This feels familiar too.
201TailedDrakeI only wanted to steal all of his stuff.

Total Time: 58:40
Deaths/Hour : 3.4
Bosses Killed: 24
Bosses Oneshot: 8
Longest Accident Free: 5hrs 53minutes.

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Re: Story time!

Post  Zaq on Fri Apr 18, 2014 6:31 pm

Day 13

202FellSpiral StaircaseLock-On is treacherous
203ClobberedGiant KnightsTwo vs One is unfair.
204HammeredGiant KnightArrows+Leashing to get by the pairs, only to fail at the finish line.
205StabbedDrakeKeeperThis staircase is brutal.
206BurntAncient DragonDragons do not appreciate when you start a slap-fight with them.
207SplattedGiant LordMaybe obliterated would be a better description here.
208FissuredGiant LordDoesn't even let me say hi before administering the murder.
209SlashedGiant LordHe's not as pretty now though.
210StompedGiant LordA mistake was made, but only one. Next time I'll bring more fire.
211HammeredDifferent GiantI did not expect that.


Day 14

212Shoryuken'dPoison GiantCan't circle strafe over debris.
213FireballedFire GiantStealth games teach you to use the roof to avoid bad things. DS reminds you that bad things happen regardless.
214PunchedRatman CyclopsI needed him to break a wall for me. He did, but the breaking continued.
215BurnedFire GiantMmmm Nope. These end of the game areas are not nice.

Day 15

216HammeredDifferent GiantIt was the same Different Giant.
217PunchedPoison GiantDifferent Giant has a homie.
218SwordedDrakeKeeperI called time out so I could heal up. Apparently that doesn't work.
219BBQAncient DragonThere was a lot of fire. Like Backdraft.

Day 16

220SwordedDrakeKeeperCan't duck under something on a staircase.
221BurninatedAncient DragonI have two minions. He has fire. One shot fire.
222FlattenedAncient DragonThe place safe from fire is under the Dragon. It is not actually safe however.
223BurninatedAncient DragonNot a friendly dragon for sure.
224StompedAncient DragonLike a roach.
225BurninatedAncient DragonTime to go do something else!
226FireAncient DragonAnd we're back!
227StompedAncient DragonJust jumped on my head.
228MacedDrakeKeeperStill have to pay attention to this staircase of doom.
229FireAncient DragonProgression wipes without the progression!
230FireAncient DragonIt was a different fire this time. I don't know if that makes it better or worse.
231StompedAncient DragonWell this has been a tiny bit frustrating.
232FireAncient DragonDidn't even wait to immolate me, just got it over with immediately.
233FireAncient DragonThe game is taking pitty on me and no longer spawning the staircase of doom.
234StompedAncient DragonThis was much more successful without friends. I did not expect that.
235EarthquakedAncient DragonIf the stomp misses you, the dustcloud will still one shot you. This boss is dumb.
236FireAncient DragonThe tail is mostly safe from the fire. Except when it isn't.
237FireAncient DragonThere are a lot of parallels to some of our raids. Not the good ones, you know the ones I mean.
238FireAncient DragonTook a break, ate some food. Dragon doesn't care.
239FireAncient DragonRabbleRabble.
240FireAncient DragonI'd feel bad about this, but all of the fire deaths are from insta-kills that appear to be only avoidable sometimes.
241FireAncient DragonOther times you just die.
242StompedAncient DragonThe old 'wiff the last attack and die instead of killing the boss' routine. At least that was an earned death.
243FireAncient DragonBullshit deaths vs earned deaths here is currently 18-6
244FlattenedAncient Dragon18-7
245FlattenedAncient Dragon18-8. This is much more fun at least.
246FireAncient Dragon19-8 Less fun.
247FireAncient Dragon20-8
248FlattenedAncient Dragon21-8 It didn't hit me. I miss pixel perfect hitboxes.
249FireAncient Dragon22-8. One more try before it's NdGT time. Hooray space.
250FlattenedAncient Dragon23-8 It's not even like it's 'hard'. Sometimes you just lose anyway. Most of the time.

Day 17

251FireAncient Dragon24-8 I did not miss this.
252FlattenedAncient Dragon25-9 It's like Rocky. Everything that might have been good is gone, but we're still making more.+1Boss
253SlicedKing VendrickThe Dragon did not drop anything remotely worth the time. I'm going to murder the old king. With Fire
254FellQueen NarshandaCliff + a tiny bit of panic. I did stomp another duo-boss in between some attempted regicide.
255MacedDark PhantomThis Abyss spot is not the casual victory parade I had hoped for beating the game.

Day 18

256BackstabbedDark PhantomMy controller's battery died. Feels bad.
257Magic'dDarkLurkerLoading into a boss fight after using all my stuff feels bad.

Day 19

258DarknessedDarkLurkerLots of explosions.
259ExplodedC'thulu PrisonerThese dudes again. I'm bad and I feel bad.

Total Played Time --77:13

Deaths/Hour --3.3
Deaths/Hour if I hadn't tried to kill that Dragon that dropped nothing good--2.9
Deaths to Falling/being thrown off cliffs - 23
Most memorable death: #140.  After activating some mechanisms and dodging around some arrow producing bad guys I arrived at an otherwise inaccessible chest, barely.  Hooray Loot.  It ate me.
Favorite Boss:  Nothing was quite as good as the best DS1 bosses (O&S, Wolf, DLC Dragon, DLC Knight), but the Looking Glass Knight and the Lost Sinner were both pretty awesome.

Really looking forward to Ng+.  I've been told that in addition to general hardness there will be surprises.

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Re: Story time!

Post  Pufftrees on Tue Apr 22, 2014 5:12 pm

The most epic summary of video gaming lol.  You need to stream this with commentary for completeness.  I want to see a mimic pretend to be a treasure chest then eat you.

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Re: Story time!

Post  Zaq on Wed Apr 23, 2014 7:15 pm

Given what you know about my computer, why would even consider the idea that I could stream something?  It's probably a good thing there's no recordings of me deciding something was a 'good' idea and then discovering that it was in fact a terrible idea with .00001seconds.  I will admit that watching other people play DS is among the most hilarious things ever if you're willing to observe for the long-haul.

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Re: Story time!

Post  Zaq on Mon Apr 28, 2014 10:09 am

Recommend to me a website where I can upload crappy videos of me playing DS2.  They're like suspense movies, large sections of not much interesting followed by brief interludes of very loud profanity, probably audible from space.

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Re: Story time!

Post  Pufftrees on Mon Apr 28, 2014 7:35 pm

Not sure of any good ones tbh, Youtube is where I upload my vids lol.

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Re: Story time!

Post  Zaq on Thu May 01, 2014 5:54 pm

Pufftrees wrote:Not sure of any good ones tbh, Youtube is where I upload my vids lol.
I hate you.  Youtube just doesn't like anything longer than 15mins and a like 4 of them so far are just a little longer than that.  Still I made a playlist everything I could upload.  Behold the shitty quality of pointing a camera at the tv and recording yourself mumbling.  Here's a rumblerooski.
Edit: There's profanity.  Lots of profanity.  Just fyi.

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Re: Story time!

Post  Pufftrees on Fri May 02, 2014 10:07 am

Rofl that was hilarious, I thought you were gona survive!  You might can try open broadcast software but I like your style haha

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